In my last post I spoke about the various types of gym-goers I’ve noticed so far in my not at all clichéd “new year new me” journey. Here’s a list of the 5 characters who have stoof out for me so far. Any I’ve missed out?

The hulk

You know who I mean. A specimen whose reputation precedes him (as it is most often a ‘him’). Found in his natural habitat, the heavy weights section, the hulk swaggers his way from dumbbell to bench press, forehead vein and biceps pulsating in tandem.

Arms always a good few inches away from actual body. Legs either meaty or comparatively skinny: hulks don’t do inbetween.

Always in a wife beater.

The skinny boy

Exist to confirm the hulks’ sense of purpose. If I was a boy I would probably fit into this category. Shifting nervously around the jungle of equipment, face crumpled into a deeply painful expression when lifting anything.

Often sporting converse and/or baggy t-shirt.

The insta-conscious female

Feels as if they should go to the gym but lack of sweat, intact false eyelashes and hair extensions insinuates they don’t do much. Indulges in self-congratulatory selfie for online followers in the changing rooms after some sit-ups.

Always in branded sports bra.

Normally operate in pairs.

The middle-class, middle-aged lady

Saw one of these on the apparently gender specific inner thigh leg machine before 10 mins light jogging on treadmill in leopard print leggings and matching top.

Can be seen in comfort zone of legs, bums n tums class (‘LBT’ if you’re in the in-crowd.)

The old school tank

Often an older guy. Favoured attire of cycling shorts or spandex. Level of commitment easily gauged by the leather gloves worn to lift gym’s heaviest weights.

Identifiable by the sound of rythmic grunts.

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